Have you ever said something and immediately after realized that you’ve grown beyond that statement. It could even be that in that moment you had a light bulb to pop on. Perhaps buried beneath that utter was a belief that you once had or maybe just something you’d say out of habit. No matter what is was, it no longer felt right. It no longer fit into the current you.
Well I recently had a moment like that.
Most of us have heard this saying in one degree or another. Maybe it sounds like:
“Who raised you?”
“I wasn’t raised like that.”
“Everybody ain’t raised the same!”
“I was raised better than that!”
No matter how you’ve heard OR said it, It was basically saying one to two things. Either you were expressing (in a very passive aggressive way) that someone else’s behavior was not only a result of how they were raised (good, bad or indifferent though usually the latter two) but it DEFINITELY did not mirror who you were raised to be. Or… You were excusing a behavior because… If you were not raised better, you don’t know better right? Yeah… NO.
Well I made a statement somewhere in the neighborhood of the aforementioned. It didn’t feel right.
Besides the fact that being passive aggressive is something that we all need to move away from. Myself included! I think it’s more important to recognize a few things starting with the fact that just because we were raised a certain way, doesn’t make it law, superior or healthy for that matter. In fact, many of us are currently in a battle between the ways in which we were raised and our new found understandings of how things should actually be in our lives. Many of us are in combat trying to rid ourselves of passed down toxicity. We are freeing ourselves to be free conscious thinkers. We are opening our spirits to new levels of growth and ideas. Ideas which no longer fit into the “way we were raised.” We are healing ourselves. We are becoming.
My mom used to say, “When you know better, you do better.”
I will be moving away from the whole “how you were raised/how I was raised” statements as they really have no place in my life as I become more and more mindful. Though how you were raised most definitely has an impact on who you are today, it is not bondage. At any given moment, we are allowed to break the chains of any and all things (people included) that no longer serve our higher selves.
So instead of referencing or comparing upbringings, I’d say it’s much more healthy and productive to speak on the current or forthcoming versions of ourselves and others. Sometimes that means reminding someone else of where they are going and not necessarily reminding them of where they’ve been. It’s a more constructive method.
I know I have the tendency to go all over the place when I’m writing, so I hope I didn’t lose the message, Here is my attempt to bring it all back in.
I will repeat my mom’s saying. When you know better, you do better. It is not about how you were raised. It’s about where you’re going. It is about the the current impacts you want to make and the way you CHOOSE to show up. It’s about the way of life for you moving forward. It is about knowing that this will not look the same for everyone and accepting that.
Okay… I’m done. : )